Or Keep it Simple Stupid. This is one of the basic rules of research, especially when you're just starting out. Which I am. And my area of--well, I hate to call myself an expert so I'll simply say--the area in which I'm narrowly focused is the obscure yet interesting field of nutritional ecology of mammals. Specifically, I study bears. I've studied other animals, like porcupine and beavers, but suffice it to say, I study mammals. So when I was asked to join a project dealing with terrestrial vertebrates and salmon, I thought, great! This is right up my alley!
Even cooler, I got to to attend the first meeting for the project as a primary investigator, meaning, I got a say in the research design. Or so I thought. The other researchers took one look at me and my credentials, wondered where the hell the head honcho was, and decided to tell me what they deemed to be important for the project. They didn't want to study bears.
"Who cares about bears?" one researcher said to me. We'll call this anonymous researcher Bane.
Translation: "I'm sick and tired of hearing about lions, tigers and bears. And I certainly don't want your charismatic mega-fauna overshadowing my exciting forestry science."
"And we all need to speak the same language," said anonymous researcher number two, who will from now on be referred to as, Bull. "We all need to evaluate the effects of our treatment on population density. And you my dear bear biologist will study small mammals and birds."
Bear biologist, who will now be referred to as Spineless Wuss--that's me--replied with an intelligent, "HUH?"
Okay, lesson number one. If you're going to study the effects of a treatment on a population of animals, know the species of animals in your study area. Know the ecology of said species. Know SOMETHING!
Lesson number two: Even if you sound like a Negative Nelly, speak your mind. It'll save you a long hard summer of hell.
When Bull made these statements my thoughts were as follows. Population density? Holy hard. Our treatments are so small, we'll never see a result. Small mammals? What the hell do small mammals have to do with our experiment? Maybe, just maybe, we'd see some sort of effect in, oh I don't know, a century give or take fifty years! Birds? Wait, they have feathers. I don't do birds!
And so began summer number one of hell. For those of you who don't do science, rest assured, there was nothing simple about this project.
TSWB
