One summer, many years ago, I had some major stomach issues. Eventually, I went to the doctor and found out that I had contracted not one, not two, but three intestinal “bugs." This got me a slew of medications…and a phone call.
“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.
“This is Talk Fast Listen Later from the health department. The hospital reported that you have contracted X, Y and Z diseases, is this true?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to ask you a series of questions to try to determine where you might have contracted them. Please answer as accurately as possible.”
“Okay, but this isn’t--”
“Have you been out of the country in the past several weeks?”
“No, but--”
“Have you eaten at any restaurants in the past few weeks?”
“No, but--”
“How about fast food?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes, and because I had time, I let the idiot ask me all (100) of his stupid questions.
At the end of his survey, he sounded quite perplexed and asked, “Do you have any idea where you might have contracted the diseases?”
“Hmm…” I said as if racking my brain for an answer. “I wonder if I got them from the captive beaver colony I work with?”
