Life Sucks:

Last week:

Sick for four days.
No hot water for three.
Dog fight at seven a.m., outside in the snow, minus four degrees.
Dog bite...left thumb currently too swollen to move and definitely infected.

This week:

A trip to the doctor to get antibiotics and, unless I lie, a visit from the police to interrogate me about whose dog bit me.

Did I mention life sucks?

Training Days: Wildlife Biologist aren’t known for their people skills

Shortly after being hired by “Charismatic Guy” and “Not So Much,” I was teamed with Not So Much, a man of few words. I’d spent several long days with him. In silence. Him hiking through the woods like a gazelle. Me running and tripping over everything, trying to keep up with him. Occasionally, I tried to strike up a conversation, but he always managed to answer my questions in curt one to three word phrases. One day, after a ten-hours of hell, I decided to, once again, see if I could get the guy to talk.

“Do you have any siblings?” I asked, thinking maybe he’d tell me something about himself if I asked about his family.

“Yep.”

“Brothers or sisters?”

“Brothers.”

“How many?”

“Two.”

“Older or younger?”

“Older.”

Not known for my patience or my ability to keep my mouth shut, I snapped. “You know what? I’m done. Talking to you is worse than talking to a wall. If you decide you want to talk to me then fine, but as of this moment, I’m done trying to force you to talk!” I closed my eyes and set my head against the window of the passenger-side door, preparing myself for a summer of hell.

“So…” said Not So Much, a hint of amusement and respect in his voice.

I opened my eyes, catching the almost smile at the corners of his mouth.

“What do your parents do?”

We all do Stupid Shit when Exhausted:

My friend J is not the only one who does stupid shit with bears. One week I was stupid enough to try quitting coffee. I did it because my boss made fun of me for drinking too much. My first caffeine-free morning, I medicated a bear. The wrong one. The second morning, I opened a door to a bear pen...without kicking the bear out first. The third morning?

My boss gave me a gift card to Starbucks.

Exhausted.

Exhausted people do stupid shit. Problem is when you work with bears, stupid shit turns into dangerous shit...or spectacularly stupid shit. For example, my friend J was so tired last week, she darted the wrong bear for her research. Silly J.

This week, I’m too exhausted to write more than this.

Just Call me Clueless:

Some people are good managers. Some not so much. Where do I sit on the spectrum? I’ll let you decide.

Last week, I had to let a worker know his performance wasn’t good enough. I kept our talk short and to the point and was amazed when his work and attitude turned around. Everyone else noticed it, too! He went from being a total dud to a stud. The next day, he was equally as good. Everyone was impressed. And I patted myself on the back for being a good manager and getting the point across in a motivating way. Later that day, I mentioned to a friend that this worker had improved immensely. I figured she’d like to know because she recommended him for the job.

She laughed and said, “I told his girlfriend he was going to get fired if he didn’t turn it around. She told him if he got fired he had exactly one week to find another job or she was leaving him.”

So much for my great management skills.

Women can be Idiots, too.

Last week someone asked if I ever thought about hiring females…since the boys all seem to work out so well. I have hired females, but other than a few personality quirks, they’ve been quite good.

Not so for a friend of mine. He brought on a graduate student that was quite literally insane. At first, when we interviewed her, she was impressive. She knew a lot about bears, had read a lot of articles and asked intelligent questions. But after a bit, I realized something was off. She didn’t just like bears. She revered them. She actually uttered the words, “I worship the grizzly bear.”

Shockingly, I didn’t burst out into laughter, but I did poke fun. “So you’re really into bears,” I said in my snarky tone.

She didn’t seem to catch my sarcasm. She simply nodded and said, “Way,” as only a stoner could.

Needless to say, I was shocked when my colleague brought her on as a grad student. I wasn’t shocked when he let her go.

Another Idiot

When I was getting my master’s degree, I had a few great technicians, and one idiot. One day, we noticed a flicker had created a giant hole in our animal care building. Because this sort of thing was not up to code, we needed to fix it…before the bird finished building its nest. So I asked my idiot tech to take care of it.

Several days later, he said, “I took care of the flicker problem."

“Thanks,” I said. The next day I go out to the facility, expecting to see
something covering the hole, but the hole was still there. “How exactly did you take care of the flicker problem?” I asked.

He smirked and pointed his finger in the sky, imitating a gun.

“Hmmm…” I said, slowing letting air out of my nose. “You do know it’s illegal to shoot a flicker?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Never mind we’re on a college campus.”

“I know, but you said to take care of it, so I did.”

“You didn’t think there might be a better way? Like covering the hole?”

“Sure, but…”

I know you all know just how long this guy lasted.